I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
