Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
