I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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