Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
