is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
