I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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