Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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