You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Randomize
