im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
