Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
