I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
