My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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