Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
