I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
