just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Less talking, more tequila
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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