so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
