He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
