I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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