i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
