dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
