Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
