weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
