I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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