I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
