I think I won the penis lottery.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
