Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
