and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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