Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
