i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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