i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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