if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
