im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
