you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
