OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
