My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
