I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You're like the curious george of whores
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
