You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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