I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
