upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
