3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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