Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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