seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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