.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
