'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
