Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
