I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
