Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
should my penis look like a turkey
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
