I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize
