This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Is it penis luge time yet?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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