Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
It's never too late to be topless.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
